This is why I should not be allowed in public….

Tonight the younger boys’ school had roller skating with Santa and I took them and the She-Beast.  Combined number of times the three of them have been roller skating?  One.

As third and fourth graders, the boys do NOT need mom to help them skate…even though they CLEARLY do.  But I am very supportive of independence.  And for opportunities to take videos of them falling, so I was good with that.  The She-Beast decided that she wanted no part of skating, which meant I was to have no part of skating, and I am totally supportive of that too.  So things were going swimmingly.

I’ve never quite bonded with the other parents.  Mostly because I have never quite met most of them.  With five kids (one with mental illness), me with anxiety, kids who really never joined anything, and the fact that we have never been big fans of sleepovers (unless they are at your house- those we are all for), I have missed that window with the boys.   The other parents have their groups and it is pretty impossible to break through that wall.

No biggie,  She-Beast and I were having a grand time playing old video games and stuffing our faces with nachos when it happened.   The ONE parent I know.  The Mouth’s best friend’s dad.  We smile and wave and feel the need to speak to one another since our children are such great friends.  But we really don’t KNOW each other.  Not “be ourselves” know each other.  So as we chat, I keep repeating to myself “Don’t say fuck.  Don’t say fuck.  Don’t embarrass The Mouth.  This parent takes him to do all kinds of fun stuff you are too lazy to do!  Do NOT ruin this for him”….aaannnddd he asks if She-Beast is going to skate….

“Nope.  She was all about it until we got here and then she was all ‘Fuck this shit.  I’m eating nachos and playing games!'”


Not ONLY do I drop an F bomb,  I do it impersonating my four year old.  Because everyone knows, THAT is how all four year olds talk.

Let’s be clear- IF my daughter ever actually said that, I would NEVER have shared it with anyone because THAT would make me a horrible parent.  Somehow though, it is perfectly okay in my world to PRETEND that she spews profanities like her ABC’s.  At special events involving Santa Claus and elementary school children.

I am pretty sure that I just made the naughty list.  I am so sorry Santa.  I do try to be good, I just really, really, really like to cuss.



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